New DOTA 2 Update Means I’ll Continue to Not be a Good Human Being

The new DOTA 2 update is out. THANKS VALVE! They went ahead and added new features, as well as new characters for a more intuitive and pleasant experience. SHOVE IT VALVE!

Look, I get it, you love us. But come on, stop it. I’m a worse human being because of you people. I’m less friendly, more irritated, and way way more distracted from my everyday life because you KIND AND THOUGHTFUL TYRANTS have decided to once again give me reason to boot up that dumb client and play more time consuming 45 minute to a full hour matches. THAT ISN’T HEALTHY!

Some people would argue that personal responsibility on my behalf or a general sense of my own well-being would be pivotal to my handling of my DOTA time, but my own sense of pride would never allow me to admit that. Shutup. Valve is to blame here.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to continue bucking my social and personal responsibilities to go play that dumb game. What am I anymore? What have I become? Is this my place in the world? As Puck, or IO, or Ogre Magi, or any other number of the 104 different DOTA characters which all offer different experiences each time I turn on that fantastic game? Maybe. My mortality is apparent to me now. I must await my end.

Anyways, I have to go. There’s DOTA to be done and cats not to feed. If you’d like to join me in my currently occurring and hopefully short-lived demise join my Indie Games AAA DOTA Facebook group. Me and the other two guys (Frank and the miming human) are trying to get players organized. Otherwise, just watch me lose control of my life in a much quicker and weirder way than I ever had prophesied.

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